I guess it’s time to reflect.
It’s been quite a journey, this past year. Revelations, separations, and far too many nights spent listening to subliminals on YouTube, praying that I’ll wake up in the morning with a straighter nose. Yes, I admit, the last one is kind of odd, but it’s pretty telling of my past 365 days around the sun.
There’s something to be said about growth, isn’t there? Little by little, the Universe sent me moments of growth, often masked as hurdles I was far too scared to tackle (but I took them on anyway). I wrote poems about open doors masked as stop signs, and the funny thing is, I’m still experiencing them today. Because that’s growth, isn’t it? It doesn’t stop. And that’s not a bad thing, not really. A scary thing, sure, but definitely not bad. We never really stop growing, and I think that’s the hardest notion for me to wrap my little head around.
I was so confident going into this fall, riding the high of this past year (I was a new person, didn’t you know.) Was it naïve of me to assume that I was better than before? No, not at all. Because I was. But I was also ignorant to the idea that I wasn’t finished in my growth, and those launching pads disguised as speed bumps were still there, hidden on the horizon.
This past year had taught me to love myself. Whether that was through consuming 3 albums by a group of 7 inspirational men, all of which possessing that exact same message, or through extracting my heart from situations that did not serve it–I focused on me and what my soul needed. I made life-long friendships, went on adventures 2016 Jasmine couldn’t even fathom, and sought out the pieces of this existence that made me feel alive. I really took care of this sunshine heart. Truly.
But where I failed myself was in thinking that this was the end of that journey. It wasn’t, and, even as I cross the finish line in my current marathon, it still won’t be over. Growth is just that–continuing to get better, improve, and reach new heights. Growth is not stagnant, not in the least. So why did I ever think it was?
I’m in this position where I have to constantly remind myself of this. It’s a daily struggle not to revert to my old ways, compare myself to others, belittle my achievements in order to fit a social norm or rule. But I can’t let 2017 Jasmine back into my life. I love her, flawed and all, but I can’t let the position she was in a year ago shift the focus from where she is now. I’m stronger than that. You know it and I, somewhere in this deep heart of mine, I know it, too.
Until next time,