It feels a bit nostalgic

Being back home is harder than I had anticipated. Sure, I knew what I was in for, but I don’t think I was capable of fathoming this level of dejection, rejection, and emotion. It’s been hard to say the very least. All the growth and progress I had made being abroad for the past four months seems to have fallen at the wayside, and I’m left feeling alone, abandoned, and utterly confused. But amongst that internal chaos and coming to terms, I’ve started to understand what letting go feels like. And much like my previous revelations on being OK, I feel this needed to be documented, for both my sake and that of others.

I think I need to let you go because it’s obvious you don’t want to stay.

And that’s fine.

I think I need to let go because this push and pull is driving me insane.

And that’s fine.

I think I need to let this go because growth is the motto for this new year.

And that’s fine.

I think I need to let go because it’s hurting too much to hang on.

And that’s fine.

I think I need to let it go because you’re not holding on either.

And that’s fine.

I think I need to let go because we’re different, now, then we were before.

And that’s fine.

I think I need to let them go because times have changed and so have I.

And that’s fine.

I think I need to let go

for me
for you
for them
for us
for I
and me
and you.

 

Until next time,

Jasmine.

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A little about passion

Home at last.

This past week has been a long string of goodbyes, hellos, and final paychecks. I left residence for the summer, saying my farewells to friends I will reunite with again in the fall, and others who I may not see for quite awhile. In both cases, it was tough. I don’t do well with departures, and this time was no exception. There’s just so many expectations and emotions; I get lost in the crossroads. But I did it and I survived, all 5’1 of me. It was a miracle, to say the least.

My co-op ended on a good note, and I left my cubicle for the last time on an accomplished high. I’ve learned so much about myself, what my goals are, what I like (and, you know, what I absolutely loath), and what I’m passionate about. That last one really became prominent as my term was wrapping up, because I’ve come to realize that work and passion can coexist and complement each other. Shocker, I know.

Passion is such a funny thing, isn’t it? There’s so much power to it. Passion is the driving force behind change and innovation, and it’s astounding to see where it takes people. As someone who revolves my life around my passions, I really love admiring this trait in others. One of my fellow co-workers in residence and close friend is immensely passionate about travel, urban planning, and Hong Kong. It’s inspiring to watch him take those three ingredients and shape a future for himself around them. He’s got such a drive, such a fire inside of him that I truly envy.

I guess it’s friends like this who have opened up my eyes to the possibilities of passion. I never really saw a parallel between my passions and my future career endeavours. They may have crossed paths once in awhile, but they were never running on the same track. The two were never friends, but rather, acquaintances who knew each other only on the surface. You know, that “I’ll make a pun and you’ll laugh and you’ll think I’m funny but you don’t even know where my hometown is” kinda acquaintances.

But this semester, whilst embarking on an adventure through the world of co-op and micromanaging my life, I realized that my passions CAN be at the forefront of my future. I just have to have faith in myself and believe that what I love to do can help me make a career for myself. So I’m going to go out there and write like no one is reading, discussing topics I love, and see where it takes me. You can bet your tuition that it’s going to be challenging, and this blog will more than likely be filled to the brim with endless accounts of me struggling. But I want to write about what I know and love–fashion, music, communication, and Korea. So I’m taking one hell of a chance, and putting my heart where my fingers are (does that even make sense?), to utilize my passions into something beautiful.

I guess you could say I’m inspired.

Until next time,

Jasmine.

It’s about damn time.

If you had asked me a year ago where I would have been today, I probably wouldn’t have known. And this is an odd thing for me. You see, plans are like my life source. I live and breathe checklists and itineraries and googling grad school options till 3 in the morning. I plan. Every single detail of my existence.

But the thing about planning is that life, like many other things in our universe, is completely and utterly unpredictable. Jobs fall through, friends leave, opportunities open up. So no matter how detailed I could have planned my life a year ago, I would still more than likely be someplace else.

And, if I’m honest, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I know I haven’t updated this blog in what feels like a century, and there’s reason behind it. For the past 11 months (WOW. Time flies) I have been meeting new people, creating community within my university, taking on a marketing job, cultivating existing relationships, discovering myself, and, you guessed it, planning. I have been restlessly scheduling and coordinating my next adventure for this summer. And can you guess where I’m headed?

Well, if you know even the slightest detail about me, I’m more than positive you figured it out–Korea. That’s right, I’m headed back to the beautiful peninsula that captivated my soul and stole my existence (did I mention I’m dramatic?). I will be spending my summer in the humid climate of Seoul while I attempt to rebuild what was my ability to speak the Korean language through taking evening classes at Sogang university.

I think my realization about planning and its faults has been a product of this new adventure because for the life of me, I cannot nail this trip down. Whenever one thing goes right, another goes utterly wrong. I go from being elated about an apartment being available, to finding out I can’t apply for the visa I need. And it’s been like this the whole way through, riding the waves of anticipation, happiness, then slight to severe disappointment.

Organizing this trip has been a lesson in growing up, toughening up, and embracing the difficulties. I needed this. For so many years I have tried to dictate and structure my life to meet the standards that I had set, feeling like I had to contort myself into a certain mold and live that way. That’s not a life. That’s a performance. A heavily rehearsed, memorized play in which I am the actor. And yes, if you must know, there is even a musical number (though only 1 because my singing is horrendous).

What I have realized is that this is not living. In order to truly elevate myself and become the individual I aspire to be, I need to embrace change, roll with the punches, and come out on top. I think it’s moments or events like these that really show you who you are, how you work, and what needs to improve.

So I’ve come to love the unexpected and I’ve learnt that I am resilient when my ideas don’t become a reality. It’s okay.

And so I’m looking forward to this new adventure (D-29 days!) with my neck rest, map, and positive outlook in hand. And you can bet your next paycheck that I will be documenting everything on my blog. So stay tuned!

Until next time,

Jasmine.

 

Watching the Clock

Here’s the funny thing about anticipation: it never leaves. It keeps building and building as the days go by, driving you utterly insane. It’s like time cannot go by any slower, the hours will not speed up, and days feel like forever.

I have done everything in my power to distract myself from the gnawing sensation of my impatience, from writing to studying Korean, but nothing helps. I mean, why can’t it be the middle of August already? Why do I have 4 more work days? Why can’t I be done now?

In the meantime, though, I have been working on my exchange blog that I will be updating while I am over in Korea for the fall semester. I feel like having that space to share my life and my adventures through text, photos, and videos will really be rewarding at the end of my adventure. Something for not only my friends and family to enjoy, but also a way for me to preserve that experience for myself, so that in, say, 10 years I have something to look back on to refresh the memories. I want my life to be memorable, so I will do whatever it takes to make that come true.

Until next time,

Jasmine

p.s.

Here’s the link to my exchange blog: somethingseoulful

Two more weeks, just two more weeks.

The difference between my life right now and my life before is the Cold War versus a day at Disneyland. Before, things were happening. Life was bright, exciting, and memories flourished. Now, here I am, sitting here, waiting for something, hell, anything to happen. I only have a number of days left in this suburban wasteland where mediocrity and racism prevail, but I feel like these hours, these weeks are dragging. Time is holding back from me, refusing to give me what I so incredibly yearn for: freedom.

The anticipation of arriving home and sleeping in on my own bed has driven me to the point of excessive packing. I am literally living out of my suitcase, unable to tame the mad thoughts of “two more weeks, just two more weeks” from creeping into my every waking hour. It’s hard. I don’t really know how to combat this type of longing. But maybe, somewhere hidden in these next few days of working and planning, I will finally find peace.

(but most likely I’ll just have to wait until I am safely on that air plane, with the destination of Vancouver, BC, flashing on the screen in front of me.)

Until next time,

Jasmine

Full Plate

Back from camp. Now that’s a sentence I thought I’d never say, due to the immediate fact that camp seemed to stretch on for an exhausting period of time. But it’s over now, and I’m peacefully back in the comfort of my own blankets and warmth. Ah–nothing like the comforts of home.

Recently, life has been progressing in ways that I could never have imagined. I got my full funding for student loans for the fall, a sight I never saw coming. My best friend retrieved my acceptance package from the grip of my school’s exchange department. Despite a few setbacks (like said friend writing the wrong address on the package upon attempting to mail it to my mother), things when I returned from a stressful four day camping trip with work seem to be working out. All is in order. Plus, as an added bonus, the dresses I ordered for my cousin’s wedding arrived and I have selected my attire for the affair. Oh, how I love the feeling of new clothing against my skin. It’s my favourite thing.

Until next time,

Jasmine

It’s all coming together…

Finally! FINALLY. My acceptance package to Ewha has arrived at my university and, despite some complications with the destination of that package, the pieces of my exchange are slowly falling into place. My uni submitted the final portion of my student loan application, which I need for my visa. My mum is on board to submit my application at the end of the month. I only have 29 more days of working and living in this hick town. It’s all coming up roses, my friends.

So why am I still stressed? I guess it’s just the fact that yes, things are coming together, but they are not firmly sealed or locked into place. The puzzle isn’t fully completed yet. There are still gaps, still missing chips that haven’t found their home yet. And that irritates me. It stresses me out, to the point where I feel like nothing has been accomplished. Is that wrong of me? Does that make me a perfectionist? I hope not.

I hope that in the next few weeks I can just get all my bits and bobs finalized and have this thing planned out. I want to be on that plane already, flying over the clouds, and nervous with anticipation for what is to come once that 737 lands on foreign soil. I am ready for adventure and I crave it more than anything.

Until next time,

Jasmine

Prairie Summers

Who would have thought I would be here? Here, as in stuck hopelessly for 3 months in the flattest region this country possesses. Trapped here until the faithful day of August 6th, when I can finally board the plane, back to my homeland. Or hometown. Same thing, really.

If you have been wondering why this blog has been sadly lacking in recent posts, the answer is in the paragraph above. I am here, in Manitoba, for the rest of the summer, working to pay for school and my exchange to Korea this upcoming fall. And, to make matters worse, I completely forgot my camera back home in Vancouver. So, as a result, no OOTDs to upload.

But I figure, why not write still? No matter where I am in this world, that ability will never be taken from me due to travel or distance from home. So until I begin my journey to Korea, and start blogging on my exchange blog (which I will link at the end of this post), I will begin to post here. I don’t know what the topics will be, whether they will fall under fashion, or life, or anything in between. All I know is I need to continue my writing and I need to rekindle that flame I once had for using words as my escape. I need an escape more than anything right now.

So hop on, subscribe, and stay along for the ride as I document what may or may not be the most stressful but rewarding summer of my life. Only time will tell.

Until next time,

Jasmine.

p.s.

My Korea exchange blog can be found here: http://somethingseoulful.blogspot.ca/

 

OOTD: Sheer Brilliance

So here’s the thing: I have started to wear a bit more colour recently. Shocking, I know. But the truth is those neutral hues are kind of wearing on my spirits. Yes it is still winter and yes it is still bitterly cold out (I’m from BC, okay: -15 means you don’t leave your dorm room) but that doesn’t mean my wardrobe and attire should reflect the same atmosphere. My best friend Maria consistently counts down the days until the first bloom of cherry blossoms spouts because for her, spring is the ultimate season. It gives her the excuse to prance around in dainty dresses, a crown of daisies circling her petite head. For me, being the literature enthusiast that I am, spring recollects quotes from Wordsworth and Keats, where nature is this empowering being that sparks the human consciousness. So why not embrace the look of spring in the hope of its speedy return, to break us from our winter slumber?

And for this OOTD, that’s exactly what I did. I fell in love with this soft, sheer pink top the moment I laid eyes on it, and the contrast of it’s femininity with the darkness of my black jeans created the perfect balance for me. I decided to match the silver stud detailing on the lining of the shirt with my black studded loafers to tie everything together. For my accessories, I kept things relatively simple with silver rings to coordinate with the silver else where in the look. The result was this simple, but ready-for-spring ensemble that was perfect for the events of that day: group projects and studying for midterms. Ah, the university life.

Credit to the lovely Druscilla Henault for these lovely shots and for hanging out with me in the common room despite being dead-dog tired after an entire day of production set up. I owe you one.

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Until next time,

Jasmine.

Items worn:
Shirt: H&M
Jeans: F21
Loafers: Aldo
Rings: Oval-shaped: Adrene
2&3: Forever 21
Remaining: couple ring and promise ring.

Shoes, shoes, shoes! + OOTD

I can honestly say that I am blessed with where I live. My residence building (there are 8 on our campus) always throws the coolest events, from the Bachelor nights, to this: a photo shoot for the entire building. That’s right, for everyone. At first, I was a tad reluctant to participate. I had just got up, had practically no make-up on, and I had a paper to write. But after helping my friend, Dru (you guys remember the girl who took those amazing photos last post? Yeah, same Dru) do her “artistic expression” shots consisting of a bed, books, and a sign proclaiming “It’s only a Theatre major”, I thought hey–why the hell not?

The posters in our hallway advertising for the shoot said “Bring something awesome!” so I brought the one thing I believed was not only awesome, but a representation of me: my shoe collection. My bounty of shoes here in residence is not as grand as the one back in my parents home in Chilliwack, but the ones I have in my possession right now are my true gems. So I stole away to my room and took up (I live on the 2nd floor and the shoot was on the 4th. And yes, I took the elevator) all the shoes I had stowed away in the various corners of my room. It took me two trips, of course, and an extra set of hands (thanks, Dru!).

The result was the following:

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And here’s some group shots with a few of the girls (and honourary members) of my floor!

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While I was at the shoot, I also got them to take a quick OOTD shot for me, so here it is:

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I’ll leave a list of items worn at the end of this post. In all, it was a fantastic experience, and I can’t help but say I felt like a celebrity with two cameras snapping shots of me at the same time. As much fun as it was, I think I’ll leave the spotlight to Beyonce and Gaga.

Thank you again to Tim and Desi for these amazing photos, and for putting the entire event on. It was such a fun experience. Keep up the good work, guys!

Until next time,

Jasmine.

Items worn:
Cardigan: Brandy Melville
Shirt: Korea
Boyfriend Jeans: The Gap
Ankle Boots: Aldo