A look back

What is it about December 31st that just makes us, as a species, so reminiscent? Is there some magic veil we all walk through at the stroke midnight that suddenly transports us into this reflective state? Maybe it’s the fear that this is it! This is the last day of this year and we just can’t bare the thought of not existing within it any longer. I’m not quite sure, but I do know that I fall victim to this nostalgia every year without fail and so here I am, looking back on what these last 12 months have been.

2017 has been… a year, to say the least. It’s had many ups, and, if I’m being quite honest, had many, many downs. While the bigger half of myself likes to dwell on the “might-haves” and the “could’ve-beens”, I think the growth I’ve made this year would have been in vain if I let myself fall into those ways again. Because, you see, 2017 has been my year of challenges, set-backs, loop-holes, and complications, but it has also been one of the best years yet. This year, I saw more personal growth than I have since middle school, all sparked by the revelation that toxic people are not worth my time. I know–sounds like something straight out of a coming-of-age teen movie, but it’s probably one of the biggest ‘ah-hah’ moments I’ve had in my life. If you know me, you know that I’m a people-pleaser. For years, I’ve always let the emotions and judgements of others dictate my own choices and well-being. Whether it be friends, family, or partners, I’ve consistently held the place of “Jasmine: the doormat” throughout my entire existence and this year, that doormat had had enough. By cutting ties with those who were pulling me deeper and deeper into a darker state of being, this doormat, by the grace of some Aladdin-esque magic lantern, became a flying carpet. Weird analogy, I know, but stick with me.

2017 was the year that I finally started to put my own interests first, and I surrounded myself with people that were there to motivate me, inspire me, push me, and encourage my growth mentally, academically, and professionally (though not, much to my dismay, physically). The change from 2016 Jasmine to 2017 Jasmine is not so much day and night as it was fall and spring. Fall, 2016 Jasmine, though much more aesthetically-pleasing, was shrouded in self-doubt, emotionally manipulated by some not-so-great people (who, she later found out, were working on their own things and who 2017 Jasmine has learnt to forgive), and failed to blossom into the person she knew she was. Spring, 2017 Jasmine, on the other hand, began to take the necessary steps towards personal growth and a positive mental outlook through putting herself first. While not firey hot like summer, spring Jasmine quietly took the reins back of her life and began to heal the wounds winter left behind with small buds of future possibilities.

While I may not be perfect and while I still have a long way to go, I’m proud of this new spring Jasmine. She’s come a long way this year, learning new things, earning a degree, travelling abroad for work. So, for the last few hours of 2017, I’m going to revel in my spring self, slowly praising the person I’ve become and looking forward to potentially a summer, 2018 Jasmine that continues to nurture herself, and look for new ways to find happiness.

Here’s to you, 2018 Jasmine. I’ll see you soon.

Until next time and a happy new year to you all,


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